One day he’s blowing hot, then cold. He says one thing, but does another. He acts super into you, then pulls away. He says he’s not looking for a relationship, but he wants to see you all the time.
There are no mixed signals. He’s been telling you all along but you’re probably ignoring them.
Because we all hear what we want to hear… See what we want to see. We often make decisions based on our emotions and then look for proof to justify them. Even if it means ignoring specific and relevant facts.
You may have heard people tell you, “Don’t listen to what a man says, watch what he does.”
You may have heard me say something similar, “Everything you need to know about a man’s feelings for you lies in his actions.”
It’s true! Don’t put too much weight in his words. Observe his actions or lack thereof. However, there are times when a man is being completely, totally, brutally honest with you.
When a man tells you he’s not interested in a relationship, BELIEVE him. He’s telling you the TRUTH. This is not your cue to convince him you are the one.
He’s putting his cards on the table and letting you know his intentions upfront.
He’s telling you what to expect so you don’t feel hurt, shell-shocked or disappointed later on.
As uncomfortable and painful it is to hear, you must listen, pay attention, and act accordingly.
Don’t make the mistake so many women make of fooling themselves into believing that eventually he’ll want more. That’s what they ALL think. And say, “I can change his mind.”
They tell themselves, “Oh, once he’s had some of this, he’ll want more…” This attitude is very smug, short-sighted and self-delusional. They are simply setting themselves up for relationship failure, unrequited love, and man pain.
The truth is, after sex, women will form an emotional bond with a man and become very attached. The more the spend time with him, the more attached and needy they become. This growing neediness makes women unattractive to a man. He may pull back or worse–cut her off.
Understand that men are different. They don’t fall in love after having sex and they don’t emotionally bond like women do. In fact, they are the opposite. After sexual intimacy, men need SPACE. If a man wasn’t already in love with you from the beginning, then it isn’t going to happen later no matter how great the sex is. That’s not how they’re built. It’s biology.
Men have a sexual deficit to fill, but not necessarily an emotional one. This means that if you are having sex with a man who doesn’t want a relationship, then you’re filling up his sex bucket, while your emotional needs are not being met. This is an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship for a woman, and it’s very short-lived.
If a man doesn’t have an emotional need, then trying to convince him to be in a relationship is like trying to sell a refrigerator to an eskimo. It’s absurd, sad, and it doesn’t work. You will have better luck with an eskimo.
Don’t waste your time trying to chase him, win him and or convince him you are the one.
Don’t try to beg, grovel, or buy his love if he isn’t offering it to you freely.
Don’t wait around hoping and praying someday he’ll wake up and realize you’re soul mates.
Please… Do yourself a favor. Let him go. Forget him. Find someone else is worthy of you.
If he was an honest man, he would probably tell you the same. Sometimes they do!
You are an amazing, beautiful and wonderful creature.
You deserve to have a man who respects you, cares for you, and cherishes you.
You can and will find a man who loves you above all other women… Even himself.
But first, you must learn to love yourself, and love only those who love you.
